Aphorisms
20Ap 
Aphorisms
Pithy little things I've written.

Introduction.
Here are a bunch of quotes I've written over the years. I'm sure some of them have been said before, but as far as I know, what's shown here is original (if you know otherwise, let me know).

And no, just because something appears here does not mean it is part of my personal philosophy. (Apparently that needed to be explicitly spelled out.)

Aphorisms.
They say that every species has an inherent need for play. quote 1
If you do not accept anything you hear, you do not hear anything. quote 2
The Universe is chaos; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. quote 3
Wouldn't it be great if the opposite sex had a remote control? quote 4
To decide nothing is to decide. quote 5
If you don't make distinctions and classifications and categorizations -- yes, and stereotypes -- then you are incapable of understanding anything about your world. quote 6
Everything in a person's life is made up of firsts. First walk. First day of school. First kiss. First job. First marriage. First child. (Second marriage.) First Social Security check. And, after all is said and done, and one's life is nearing its end, one realizes just how few firsts one has had and one wishes that there is still time for much, much more. quote 7
When you buy something, there will be a sale on it tomorrow. quote 8
Everyone's coordinate system has its origin at the center of that individual person's head. quote 9
That's what life is all about: resumes and attaches. quote 10
Silly analogies are what make the world go 'round. quote 11
Someone liking you is no reason to hate him or her. quote 12
If opposites didn't attract, wouldn't everyone be homosexual? quote 13
Sometimes it's good to wallow in one's own self-pity, for a little while. quote 14
I'll save your pilot light if you'll save mine. quote 15
Life doesn't get any better; it just gets different. quote 16
A man should live forever -- or die trying. quote 17
Whaddaya mean, I'm a primate? quote 18
Don't multiply entities unnecessarily, you guys. quote 19
Twice a typo is a mistake. quote 20
Point-of-view is a much different thing than point-of-fact. quote 21
There is a little bit of Realpolitik in all of us. quote 22
He thinks, therefore he's annoying. quote 23
The essence of control is fear. quote 24
Forgetting is easy. It's the remembering part that hurts. quote 25
No system is better or worse than any other; merely different. quote 26
My language can do anything your language can! quote 27
Seeing the word love in print has never comforted me. quote 28
I have loved and I have lost. It is no better. quote 29
(I'm actually a very interesting person in real life.) quote 30
Do not put all your faith in just one man. You will be disappointed. quote 31
Say "hi" to a stranger, and he'll think you're trying to get something from him. quote 32
Where will you be and what will you be doing when the big quake hits? quote 33
In comparison, there is disappointment. quote 34
I like it when the lightning comes. quote 35
Common sense is what tells you that the world is flat. quote 36
Infinity is a very funny thing. quote 37
When large number of objects are present in a statistical situation, deviations from the average are negligible. quote 38
To speak, perchance to be misquoted ... quote 39
I feel sic [sic]. quote 40
The only use I can think of for gold is that it has low electrical resistance. quote 41
We will accept nothing less than immortality. quote 42
Do your bit for human evolution. quote 43
To make a mistake is reason only to be called "human." To make that mistake twice is reason to be called "foolish." quote 44
Standing on the shoulders of giants leaves me cold. quote 45
Having nothing to do on New Year's Eve makes you the worst of all things -- unpopular. quote 46
You can twist perceptions, but reality won't budge. quote 47
Trying to second-guess God is a very old game. quote 48
All we ever do is deal with the effect, not the cause. quote 49
Why doesn't the human body come with a manual? quote 50
Not doing something just because it's trendy is just as stupid as doing something because it is. quote 51
Tears will not help the unfortunate. quote 52
Ever have one of those days when everything goes right -- for someone else? quote 53
We are all born to die. quote 54
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. quote 55
People will never learn to do without until they have to live without. quote 56
Change is the essential process of all life. quote 57
Nobody does more bad than people who feel bad about doing it. quote 58
If you do not ask questions, no one can answer them. quote 59
All categorical statements are false. Including this one. quote 60
Our thoughts, memories, emotions, dreams, and beliefs are what make us human. quote 61
Frustration leads to aggression. quote 62
Every generation thinks that its view of the Universe is the only correct one. quote 63
Sometimes regret is all that you have. quote 64
When you put two minds together, you get a hell of a mess. quote 65
What's the difference between killing and consuming an animal and killing and consuming a plant? The lesser of two evils is still evil. quote 66
You don't forget the songs that made you cry. quote 67
People are entitled to due process, not endless process. quote 68
No one born with a mouth and a need is innocent. quote 69
You have to say some things with conviction, because if you don't, you're not really saying anything at all. quote 70
Earth Day? I thought every day was Earth Day. quote 71
An idea is not responsible for those who believe in it. quote 72
There is no such thing as an unbiased opinion. quote 73
I can't be out of money! I still have checks left! quote 74
There are no absolutes -- everything has an exception. quote 75
Any idea held tightly enough by a group of individuals becomes a religion. quote 76
People are scum. You have to realize that, and work with it. quote 77
My flaw is bigger than your flaw! quote 78
Meat is murder, but salad is murder too. quote 79
Truth is lost in a battle between the prosecution and the defense. quote 80
You can find absolutely anything you want to find in anything at all, if you look hard enough -- and especially if you have such an ingenious device as a human brain to assist you. quote 81
If you have an opinion but no point, then shut up. quote 82
We'll do whatever we do, not necessarily what we think is best. quote 83
Ever look at a map of California? We're just living in a big desert! quote 84
What if God is just sleeping and wakes up to discover we've been screwing with Her playground? quote 85
Old habits die hard -- or, at least, they die eventually. quote 86
I have a feeling that bees and cockroaches would die in a nuclear war too. quote 87
We're not dumb. We just don't fucking care. quote 88
Culture is anything that we do and monkeys don't. quote 89
In a real sense, no one will ever see an atom. quote 90
When you're dealing with philosophy, everything is unfounded assumptions. quote 91
Everybody drinks out of the same pool and everybody breathes the same air. quote 92
If you can't laugh at other people, who can you laugh at? quote 93
I like talking to myself; I'm quiet, attentive, and I don't interrupt. quote 94
The average American doesn't give a shit about the average American. quote 95
Dated means that something is restricted to a certain time; outdated means that it's in the wrong one. quote 96
Have you always been an asshole and I just didn't notice, or are you in rare form today? quote 97
You're only as happy as you think you are. quote 98
Life would be boring if it were predictable, wouldn't it? quote 99
You're either the hammer or the anvil. quote 100
It's time to relieve my bladder before it relieves me. quote 101
Is there life after death? We will all eventually discover the answer to this question. quote 102
Judgements on whether something should be written belong to the writer, not the reader -- the only judgement the reader has is whether or not to read. quote 103
Insanity is not characterized by talking to imaginary or inaminate objects; it is characterized by these objects talking back. quote 104
One out of three isn't half bad. (It's two-thirds bad.) quote 105
Love is war -- and war is hell. So what does that make love? quote 106
If you give your heart away, you have be prepared if it gets taken. quote 107
The solution to many problems is simply not complaining to begin with. quote 108
There's little worse than being peerless in a peer-review system. quote 109
Many people have chosen to die for a great cause -- but on the other hand, many more people have chosen not to die for great causes. quote 110
He who laughs loudest gets shot first. quote 111
Somewhat modest people don't bring attention to their modesty. The truly modest don't even realize they're being modest. quote 112
If I'm not interested in myself, how can I possibly be interested in anyone else? quote 113
Differences in opinion are what make the world interesting. quote 114
Men are not the problem -- and neither are women. quote 115
A gene pool is the wet spot on the bed, right? quote 116
Brushing your teeth frantically half an hour before your dentist appointment will not erase years of neglect. quote 117
Adding the article le or la before an English word does not a French word make. quote 118
Life can be grand -- if you let it be. quote 119
Don't you hate it when you've just come up with the most perfect, true, and meaningful aphorism you've ever managed, and then someone tells you that they've heard it before? quote 120
There's a difference between an indefinite lifespan and an infinite lifespan. Humans are potentially capable of indefinite lifespans, or living for a very long time indeed. The only "creatures" with truly infinite lifespans are the gods themselves -- if they exist. quote 121
In America, if you succeed, you get rich. If you fail, you write a book about it and get rich. quote 122
Immortality does not mean living forever -- it means being remembered forever. quote 123
Are you intentionally being incoherent, or does it just come naturally? quote 124
Exception leads to oppression. quote 125
A worker is only as good as his tools. quote 126
Rights and duties are an invention of the human species -- and so are law and order. quote 127
Every voyage is a voyage of the human mind. quote 128
Humanity has driven species to extinction, and suddenly has decided that it is wrong. quote 129
How ironic that the word humane has the root human in it -- for humanity as a whole is anything but humane. quote 130
For almost every bad cliche there is another bad cliche which states exactly the opposite. quote 131
It's hard for someone to understand your point if you neglect to make one. quote 132
Just because a man says one thing that is true does not mean that everything else the man has ever said or will ever say is unequivocally true. quote 133
All women should be arrested, tried for their crimes, and executed -- right after all the men. quote 134
He who dies last wins. quote 135
What's the present verb tense of the word fission? Fizz? quote 136
Since when is talking a sign of thinking? quote 137
Just exactly how many minutes constitutes a "soon"? quote 138
There's a difference between a friend that wants to do things with you, and one who wants you to do things for him or her. quote 139
Partial derivatives can be your friend! quote 140
Ain't relationships grand? quote 141
Use the brain. That's what it's for. quote 142
A good test to discover when you're fooling yourself is when you're sure you know what you're doing. quote 143
Anyone who says, "I know the way to raise a child" should be shot on sight. quote 144
The big test of a relationship is: What times do the two partners get along? Different answers yield different relationship types. The question of your happiness in a given relationship can be answered by this: Do you feel comfortable with the type of relationship that is indicated by the time you spend together? quote 145
When someone says something to me that I don't understand; I become uncomfortable; but that discomfort motivates me to learn more, not to run away. quote 146
If love means never having to say you're sorry, then you never have to be sorry. quote 147
If a statement appeases everyone, then it is not worth speaking. quote 148
I'm only being an asshole for entertainment purposes. I'm really quite a formidable bastard in real life, though. quote 149
Life's a joke that you never hear the punchline to. (Perhaps that's the joke.) quote 150
Losing at the lottery has nothing to do with luck. quote 151
The only thing worse than not understanding is thinking that you do understand. quote 152
Even miracles take time. quote 153
Freeze yourself, and hope that you awake to a brighter, better world. quote 154
Be fluid. quote 155
Roller skating is like riding a bike -- you never forget. Unless, of course, you never learned. quote 156
If you need to pray for sex, then you've already answered your prayers -- and the answer is no. quote 157
I have no respect for writers and directors who cast themselves in their own movies. quote 158
The more upset a company is at you, the longer and more elaborate words they'll use to denounce you. quote 159
People generally learn from their mistakes. But that doesn't mean they enjoyed the lessons. quote 160
I'll never forget ... what's-her-name ... quote 161
The foremost cliche statement: "I know it sounds cliche, but it really is true." quote 162
There will always be new frontiers, even if we have to invent them. quote 163
Anyone who thinks that killing and death are not part of the human condition is kidding himself. quote 164
Here's a good illustration of the conspiracy-prone individual: He says to his friend, "Earlier today I was driving south on Route 23 ..." His friend interrupts, asking, "I thought 23 ran east-west, not north-south." His eyes bulge, and he exclaims, "You mean they changed it?" quote 165
We primates do what we can. quote 166
I brake for large, solid, stationary objects. quote 167
How a story is written is at least as important as what is written. quote 168
It really must be annoying not having a hand. Your watch would keep falling off. quote 169
If a UFO lands, does that mean it's not a UFO anymore? quote 170
Everyone is a good person -- at his own funeral. quote 171
I suppose that when you're a god, courtship rituals seem kind of boring. quote 172
In space, not only can you not hear the explosions, but you can't see the target. quote 173
If men have sex with anything that moves, that must mean that about half the women in America aren't getting any. quote 174
I am a toasted marshmallow. quote 175
Incandescence is beautiful. quote 176
Things don't change; they evolve. quote 177
Humans are gregarious species -- but what makes them unique is that they aren't entirely gregarious. quote 178
I'm just waiting for the first ion drive to take to the Belt. quote 179
There are two kinds of police officers: the kind that that joins the Force so that he can serve and protect, and try to make a difference -- and the kind that joins the Force so that he can carry a gun. quote 180
It doesn't matter which system of units you use, as long as they are consistent with each other. quote 181
Every human being invents his or her own dictionary. quote 182
There are always two questions when encountering new phenomena:
  1. What is happening?
  2. Do I like what is happening?
These two questions are completely unrelated.
quote 183
Tradition beats out practicality 99% of the time. quote 184
Perhaps the greatest and most profound puzzle that humanity will ever tackle is that of mapping -- and eventually decoding -- the human genome. quote 185
Protect me from the things I want. quote 186
If he's any more right-wing, he'd be left-wing. quote 187
Which came first, the DNA or the enzyme? quote 188
Has anybody noticed that nobody dies of "natural causes" anymore? quote 189
It's easy to bluff if people can't see your face. quote 190
When your opponent in a debate calls for global armageddon, it's time to pack up and move on. quote 191
"Why do I have a cold?" Because the Universe was born. quote 192
You're sentient if and only if you wonder if you are indeed sentient. quote 193
There is no such thing as non-coercive public prayer. quote 194
The history of astronomy has been a history of the humbling of humanity. quote 195
Forming opinions is a sign of being sentient. quote 196
Probably the most stable relationship is one in which neither party knows the other. quote 197
Sensibilities of the male disappear upon the entry of the first female of the species. quote 198
Imagine how different the world would be if humans didn't spend one-third of their life sleeping. quote 199
It isn't anyone's job to make me happy -- with the possible exception of myself. quote 200
No, I'm not here to make your life miserable. That just makes it more fun. quote 201
I like Norman Mailer. Like all good writers, he's a real fucking jerk. quote 202
It seems that for every great quote there are five others that directly contradict it. quote 203
The proper paradigm of mystery stories: Pick the character in the story that the reader would least suspect. Then don't make him the murderer. quote 204
Science is an art of trying to know just what it is that you do not know. quote 205
I used to have an excellent memory -- until I got a girlfriend. quote 206
Tolerance is nature's curse. quote 207
All good mathematicians use more Greek letters than is necessary. quote 208
How I cram all this stuff into my head, I'll never know. quote 209
When someone gives advice to you, it's nagging; when you nag someone else, it's giving advice. quote 210
I have found a 100% correlation between eating lima beans and eventual death! quote 211
Roughly 15% of all CD cases are broken. quote 212
The only difference between giving advice and meddling in other peoples' affairs is the way your efforts are construed. quote 213
Always write about what you know -- except when what you write is science fiction. quote 214
I just wish that George Bernard Shaw would have stopped mincing words and just had spoken his mind. quote 215
There's a difference, albeit small, between romanticism and utter foolishness. quote 216
Poets must find the most elegant way to say essentially nothing. quote 217
The more problems there are, the more there is to love. quote 218
If humanity managed to abolish war, it would soon return. quote 219
We all come in different wrapping. quote 220
It's my impression that problems in relationship are never simple enough where you can ask a friend -- let alone a stranger -- and he can solve the problem for you. If you ever have a relationship where the problems are that simple, you should put your partner back into the magazine from which you got her. quote 221
You have to be part of the relationship to be able to help. quote 222
Love is a severe case of communication. quote 223
PC: the politically correct way of saying "politically correct." quote 224
Recursive, adj. See recursive. quote 225
Without the mention of the great men and women of the world, history is a pretty dull tale. quote 226
Home is where the hand is. quote 227
There's no point in knowing a lot of stuff if you can't have any fun! quote 228
That which does not kill me makes me very, very happy. quote 229
Never get romantically involved with an actress. quote 230
I didn't make the laws of physics; I just play by 'em. quote 231
Without standards, all is chaos. quote 232
The best thing I can think of to say about 1992 is that it's finally over. quote 233
The past tense of the verb to love is hated. quote 234
The proper spellings of the four-letter word which means "halfway between white and black" are gray, grey, griy, groy, gruy, and sometimes gryy. quote 235
We're all caring and yet neglectful, each in our own ways. quote 236
Note: I have to get to know and really like a woman before I will sleep with her.

Addendum: It won't take long.

quote 237
I'm not actively looking for a woman every minute of every day, but I'll be damned if my eyes ain't open. quote 238
Perhaps the most annoying part of growing up is having to reread all the books that you read when you were younger, because the meaning constantly changes. quote 239
In the end, making yourself happy is the only thing that matters. quote 240
Perhaps I'll look back on these days, years from now, and smile fondly. Perhaps not. quote 241
After all, the only person's happiness you're ultimately responsible for is your own. quote 242
Beware any generalized statement about one gender stated by a person of the opposite gender. quote 243
What is the sound of one match striking? quote 244
God created Man to watch over his Garden -- at least, initially. But the question is: Why'd he make him so damn ugly? quote 245
It helps to talk, but not too much. quote 246
He who laughs last is dimmest. quote 247
Hey -- even drug dealers use metric. quote 248
I demand a recount! quote 249
What I see for the future is a world full of trees -- whether we're here or not. quote 250
I don't like Christ figures in writing. They get old quickly. quote 251
The optimal outcome of a relationship: You fall madly in love, get married, live out happy lives together, and you die first. quote 252
The Universe doesn't care what time it is, how tired you are, how difficult this will be to fit in with your world-view, or anything else. It does what it does for its own reasons -- that is, none to speak of. quote 253
Only trust someone when their own personal, selfish wants can be demonstrated to coincide precisely with yours -- i.e., rarely. quote 254
If you doubt your first gut feeling, go with it anyway. quote 255
Yes, being human is just one big maintenance hassle, but we can't afford pure energy at the moment. quote 256
A life is worthy only if it is deemed worthy by he who lived it. quote 257
Happiness is having an empty inbox. quote 258
Any sufficiently advanced technology makes good storywriting damn hard. quote 259
Status quo and I keep our distance, and we get along fine. quote 260
There is no they. quote 261
I predict that within three centuries, there will no longer be a Great Red Spot on Jupiter. quote 262
I have two cats -- one dark-haired, one light-haired. The advantage of this is that when one of them has caused trouble, I can tell which is responsible by the hair left behind. quote 263
What I thought was amazing about the Challenger disaster was the reaction of the American public. It's as if people didn't realize that riding on the rising end of an explosion into vacuum was dangerous. quote 264
The difference between comets and asteroids is not in genotype, but in phenotype. quote 265
I don't know why these astronomers get all excited. After all, they're only uncovering the secrets of the Universe. quote 266
I'm not a physicist, but I play one on Usenet. quote 267
Charity begets resentment. quote 268
Top ten delusions:
  1. I have no more delusions.
  2. Everybody likes me.
  3. I am a very nice person.
  4. I couldn't be more successful in life even if I wanted to be.
  5. Everybody who is right always agrees with _me._
  6. I am extremely intelligent and attractive to all of the opposite sex.
  7. I don't rationalize situations to my benefit.
  8. I am always right.
  9. I might as well give up because I have no control over my life.
  10. Nobody loves me.
quote 269
All the cliches are true. They are also all false. quote 270
Paranoia is generally a sign of taking oneself a little too seriously. quote 271
It's awfully easy to rewrite history. It was a lot harder for people to have lived it. quote 272
Legal threats are the last refuge of the pathetic. Backing away from those legal threats is the last refuge of the defeated. quote 273
What's a few orders of magnitude between friends? quote 274
Extrapolation is rarely good for anything. quote 275
Don't explain the how, it's the what that counts. quote 276
The difference between a coward and a pacifist is that the coward is honest with himself about his problem. quote 277
Intelligence is both a combination of having knowledge and the ability to use that knowledge. Those with only the former become trivia experts. Those with only the latter join Mensa. quote 278
Never debug while standing up. quote 279
Just say no to incoherent unit systems. quote 280
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Aphorisms
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