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Aphorisms
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Pithy little things I've written.
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Introduction.
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Here are a bunch of quotes I've written over the years. I'm sure some of them have been said before, but as far as I know, what's shown here is original (if you know otherwise, let me know).
And no, just because something appears here does not mean it is part of my personal philosophy. (Apparently that needed to be explicitly spelled out.)
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Aphorisms.
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They say that every species has an inherent need for play.
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quote 1
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If you do not accept anything you hear, you do not hear anything.
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quote 2
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The Universe is chaos; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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quote 3
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Wouldn't it be great if the opposite sex had a remote control?
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quote 4
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To decide nothing is to decide.
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quote 5
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If you don't make distinctions and classifications and categorizations
-- yes, and stereotypes -- then you are incapable of understanding
anything about your world.
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quote 6
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Everything in a person's life is made up of firsts. First walk.
First day of school. First kiss. First job. First marriage. First
child. (Second marriage.) First Social Security check. And, after
all is said and done, and one's life is nearing its end, one realizes
just how few firsts one has had and one wishes that there is still
time for much, much more.
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quote 7
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When you buy something, there will be a sale on it tomorrow.
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quote 8
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Everyone's coordinate system has its origin at the center of that
individual person's head.
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quote 9
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That's what life is all about: resumes and attaches.
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quote 10
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Silly analogies are what make the world go 'round.
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quote 11
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Someone liking you is no reason to hate him or her.
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quote 12
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If opposites didn't attract, wouldn't everyone be homosexual?
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quote 13
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Sometimes it's good to wallow in one's own self-pity, for a little while.
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quote 14
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I'll save your pilot light if you'll save mine.
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quote 15
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Life doesn't get any better; it just gets different.
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quote 16
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A man should live forever -- or die trying.
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quote 17
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Whaddaya mean, I'm a primate?
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quote 18
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Don't multiply entities unnecessarily, you guys.
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quote 19
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Twice a typo is a mistake.
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quote 20
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Point-of-view is a much different thing than point-of-fact.
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quote 21
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There is a little bit of Realpolitik in all of us.
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quote 22
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He thinks, therefore he's annoying.
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quote 23
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The essence of control is fear.
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quote 24
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Forgetting is easy. It's the remembering part that hurts.
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quote 25
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No system is better or worse than any other; merely different.
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quote 26
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My language can do anything your language can!
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quote 27
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Seeing the word love in print has never comforted me.
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quote 28
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I have loved and I have lost. It is no better.
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quote 29
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(I'm actually a very interesting person in real life.)
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quote 30
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Do not put all your faith in just one man. You will be disappointed.
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quote 31
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Say "hi" to a stranger, and he'll think you're trying to get something
from him.
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quote 32
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Where will you be and what will you be doing when the big quake
hits?
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quote 33
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In comparison, there is disappointment.
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quote 34
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I like it when the lightning comes.
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quote 35
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Common sense is what tells you that the world is flat.
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quote 36
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Infinity is a very funny thing.
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quote 37
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When large number of objects are present in a statistical situation,
deviations from the average are negligible.
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quote 38
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To speak, perchance to be misquoted ...
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quote 39
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I feel sic [sic].
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quote 40
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The only use I can think of for gold is that it has low electrical
resistance.
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quote 41
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We will accept nothing less than immortality.
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quote 42
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Do your bit for human evolution.
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quote 43
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To make a mistake is reason only to be called "human." To make that
mistake twice is reason to be called "foolish."
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quote 44
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Standing on the shoulders of giants leaves me cold.
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quote 45
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Having nothing to do on New Year's Eve makes you the worst of all
things -- unpopular.
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quote 46
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You can twist perceptions, but reality won't budge.
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quote 47
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Trying to second-guess God is a very old game.
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quote 48
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All we ever do is deal with the effect, not the cause.
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quote 49
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Why doesn't the human body come with a manual?
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quote 50
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Not doing something just because it's trendy is just as stupid as
doing something because it is.
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quote 51
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Tears will not help the unfortunate.
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quote 52
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Ever have one of those days when everything goes right -- for someone
else?
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quote 53
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We are all born to die.
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quote 54
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Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
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quote 55
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People will never learn to do without until they have to live without.
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quote 56
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Change is the essential process of all life.
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quote 57
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Nobody does more bad than people who feel bad about doing it.
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quote 58
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If you do not ask questions, no one can answer them.
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quote 59
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All categorical statements are false. Including this one.
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quote 60
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Our thoughts, memories, emotions, dreams, and beliefs are what make us
human.
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quote 61
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Frustration leads to aggression.
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quote 62
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Every generation thinks that its view of the Universe is the only
correct one.
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quote 63
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Sometimes regret is all that you have.
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quote 64
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When you put two minds together, you get a hell of a mess.
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quote 65
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What's the difference between killing and consuming an animal and
killing and consuming a plant? The lesser of two evils is still evil.
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quote 66
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You don't forget the songs that made you cry.
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quote 67
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People are entitled to due process, not endless process.
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quote 68
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No one born with a mouth and a need is innocent.
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quote 69
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You have to say some things with conviction, because if you don't,
you're not really saying anything at all.
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quote 70
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Earth Day? I thought every day was Earth Day.
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quote 71
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An idea is not responsible for those who believe in it.
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quote 72
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There is no such thing as an unbiased opinion.
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quote 73
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I can't be out of money! I still have checks left!
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quote 74
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There are no absolutes -- everything has an exception.
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quote 75
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Any idea held tightly enough by a group of individuals becomes a religion.
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quote 76
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People are scum. You have to realize that, and work with it.
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quote 77
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My flaw is bigger than your flaw!
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quote 78
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Meat is murder, but salad is murder too.
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quote 79
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Truth is lost in a battle between the prosecution and the defense.
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quote 80
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You can find absolutely anything you want to find in anything at all,
if you look hard enough -- and especially if you have such an
ingenious device as a human brain to assist you.
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quote 81
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If you have an opinion but no point, then shut up.
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quote 82
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We'll do whatever we do, not necessarily what we think is best.
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quote 83
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Ever look at a map of California? We're just living in a big desert!
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quote 84
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What if God is just sleeping and wakes up to discover we've been
screwing with Her playground?
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quote 85
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Old habits die hard -- or, at least, they die eventually.
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quote 86
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I have a feeling that bees and cockroaches would die in a nuclear war
too.
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quote 87
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We're not dumb. We just don't fucking care.
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quote 88
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Culture is anything that we do and monkeys don't.
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quote 89
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In a real sense, no one will ever see an atom.
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quote 90
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When you're dealing with philosophy, everything is unfounded
assumptions.
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quote 91
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Everybody drinks out of the same pool and everybody breathes the same
air.
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quote 92
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If you can't laugh at other people, who can you laugh at?
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quote 93
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I like talking to myself; I'm quiet, attentive, and I don't interrupt.
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quote 94
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The average American doesn't give a shit about the average American.
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quote 95
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Dated means that something is restricted to a certain time;
outdated means that it's in the wrong one.
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quote 96
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Have you always been an asshole and I just didn't notice, or are you
in rare form today?
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quote 97
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You're only as happy as you think you are.
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quote 98
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Life would be boring if it were predictable, wouldn't it?
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quote 99
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You're either the hammer or the anvil.
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quote 100
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It's time to relieve my bladder before it relieves me.
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quote 101
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Is there life after death? We will all eventually discover the answer
to this question.
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quote 102
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Judgements on whether something should be written belong to the
writer, not the reader -- the only judgement the reader has is whether
or not to read.
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quote 103
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Insanity is not characterized by talking to imaginary or inaminate
objects; it is characterized by these objects talking back.
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quote 104
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One out of three isn't half bad. (It's two-thirds bad.)
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quote 105
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Love is war -- and war is hell. So what does that make love?
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quote 106
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If you give your heart away, you have be prepared if it gets taken.
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quote 107
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The solution to many problems is simply not complaining to begin with.
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quote 108
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There's little worse than being peerless in a peer-review system.
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quote 109
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Many people have chosen to die for a great cause -- but on the other
hand, many more people have chosen not to die for great causes.
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quote 110
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He who laughs loudest gets shot first.
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quote 111
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Somewhat modest people don't bring attention to their modesty. The
truly modest don't even realize they're being modest.
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quote 112
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If I'm not interested in myself, how can I possibly be interested in
anyone else?
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quote 113
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Differences in opinion are what make the world interesting.
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quote 114
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Men are not the problem -- and neither are women.
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quote 115
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A gene pool is the wet spot on the bed, right?
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quote 116
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Brushing your teeth frantically half an hour before your dentist
appointment will not erase years of neglect.
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quote 117
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Adding the article le or la before an English word does not a
French word make.
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quote 118
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Life can be grand -- if you let it be.
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quote 119
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Don't you hate it when you've just come up with the most perfect,
true, and meaningful aphorism you've ever managed, and then someone tells
you that they've heard it before?
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quote 120
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There's a difference between an indefinite lifespan and an infinite
lifespan. Humans are potentially capable of indefinite lifespans, or
living for a very long time indeed. The only "creatures" with truly
infinite lifespans are the gods themselves -- if they exist.
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quote 121
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In America, if you succeed, you get rich. If you fail, you write a
book about it and get rich.
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quote 122
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Immortality does not mean living forever -- it means being remembered
forever.
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quote 123
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Are you intentionally being incoherent, or does it just come
naturally?
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quote 124
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Exception leads to oppression.
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quote 125
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A worker is only as good as his tools.
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quote 126
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Rights and duties are an invention of the human species -- and so are
law and order.
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quote 127
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Every voyage is a voyage of the human mind.
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quote 128
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Humanity has driven species to extinction, and suddenly has decided
that it is wrong.
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quote 129
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How ironic that the word humane has the root human in it -- for
humanity as a whole is anything but humane.
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quote 130
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For almost every bad cliche there is another bad cliche which states
exactly the opposite.
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quote 131
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It's hard for someone to understand your point if you neglect to make
one.
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quote 132
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Just because a man says one thing that is true does not mean that
everything else the man has ever said or will ever say is
unequivocally true.
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quote 133
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All women should be arrested, tried for their crimes, and executed --
right after all the men.
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quote 134
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He who dies last wins.
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quote 135
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What's the present verb tense of the word fission? Fizz?
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quote 136
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Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
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quote 137
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Just exactly how many minutes constitutes a "soon"?
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quote 138
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There's a difference between a friend that wants to do things with
you, and one who wants you to do things for him or her.
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quote 139
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Partial derivatives can be your friend!
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quote 140
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Ain't relationships grand?
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quote 141
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Use the brain. That's what it's for.
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quote 142
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A good test to discover when you're fooling yourself is when you're
sure you know what you're doing.
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quote 143
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Anyone who says, "I know the way to raise a child" should be shot on
sight.
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quote 144
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The big test of a relationship is: What times do the two partners get
along? Different answers yield different relationship types. The
question of your happiness in a given relationship can be answered by
this: Do you feel comfortable with the type of relationship that is
indicated by the time you spend together?
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quote 145
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When someone says something to me that I don't understand; I become
uncomfortable; but that discomfort motivates me to learn more, not to run
away.
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quote 146
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If love means never having to say you're sorry, then you never have to
be sorry.
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quote 147
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If a statement appeases everyone, then it is not worth speaking.
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quote 148
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I'm only being an asshole for entertainment purposes. I'm really quite
a formidable bastard in real life, though.
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quote 149
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Life's a joke that you never hear the punchline to. (Perhaps
that's the joke.)
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quote 150
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Losing at the lottery has nothing to do with luck.
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quote 151
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The only thing worse than not understanding is thinking that you do
understand.
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quote 152
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Even miracles take time.
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quote 153
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Freeze yourself, and hope that you awake to a brighter, better world.
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quote 154
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Be fluid.
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quote 155
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Roller skating is like riding a bike -- you never forget. Unless, of
course, you never learned.
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quote 156
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If you need to pray for sex, then you've already answered your prayers
-- and the answer is no.
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quote 157
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I have no respect for writers and directors who cast themselves in
their own movies.
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quote 158
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The more upset a company is at you, the longer and more elaborate
words they'll use to denounce you.
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quote 159
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People generally learn from their mistakes. But that doesn't mean
they enjoyed the lessons.
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quote 160
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I'll never forget ... what's-her-name ...
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quote 161
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The foremost cliche statement: "I know it sounds cliche, but it
really is true."
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quote 162
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There will always be new frontiers, even if we have to invent them.
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quote 163
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Anyone who thinks that killing and death are not part of the human
condition is kidding himself.
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quote 164
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Here's a good illustration of the conspiracy-prone individual:
He says to his friend, "Earlier today I was driving south on Route 23
..." His friend interrupts, asking, "I thought 23 ran east-west, not
north-south." His eyes bulge, and he exclaims, "You mean they changed
it?"
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quote 165
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We primates do what we can.
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quote 166
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I brake for large, solid, stationary objects.
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quote 167
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How a story is written is at least as important as what is written.
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quote 168
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It really must be annoying not having a hand. Your watch would keep
falling off.
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quote 169
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If a UFO lands, does that mean it's not a UFO anymore?
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quote 170
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Everyone is a good person -- at his own funeral.
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quote 171
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I suppose that when you're a god, courtship rituals seem kind of
boring.
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quote 172
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In space, not only can you not hear the explosions, but you can't see
the target.
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quote 173
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If men have sex with anything that moves, that must mean that about
half the women in America aren't getting any.
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quote 174
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I am a toasted marshmallow.
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quote 175
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Incandescence is beautiful.
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quote 176
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Things don't change; they evolve.
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quote 177
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Humans are gregarious species -- but what makes them unique is that
they aren't entirely gregarious.
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quote 178
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I'm just waiting for the first ion drive to take to the Belt.
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quote 179
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There are two kinds of police officers: the kind that that joins the
Force so that he can serve and protect, and try to make a difference
-- and the kind that joins the Force so that he can carry a gun.
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quote 180
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It doesn't matter which system of units you use, as long as they are
consistent with each other.
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quote 181
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Every human being invents his or her own dictionary.
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quote 182
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There are always two questions when encountering new phenomena:
- What is happening?
- Do I like what is happening?
These two questions are completely unrelated.
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quote 183
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Tradition beats out practicality 99% of the time.
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quote 184
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Perhaps the greatest and most profound puzzle that humanity will ever
tackle is that of mapping -- and eventually decoding -- the human
genome.
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quote 185
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Protect me from the things I want.
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quote 186
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If he's any more right-wing, he'd be left-wing.
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quote 187
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Which came first, the DNA or the enzyme?
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quote 188
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Has anybody noticed that nobody dies of "natural causes" anymore?
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quote 189
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It's easy to bluff if people can't see your face.
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quote 190
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When your opponent in a debate calls for global armageddon, it's time
to pack up and move on.
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quote 191
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"Why do I have a cold?" Because the Universe was born.
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quote 192
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You're sentient if and only if you wonder if you are indeed sentient.
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quote 193
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There is no such thing as non-coercive public prayer.
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quote 194
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The history of astronomy has been a history of the humbling of
humanity.
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quote 195
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Forming opinions is a sign of being sentient.
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quote 196
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Probably the most stable relationship is one in which neither party
knows the other.
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quote 197
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Sensibilities of the male disappear upon the entry of the first female
of the species.
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quote 198
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Imagine how different the world would be if humans didn't spend
one-third of their life sleeping.
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quote 199
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It isn't anyone's job to make me happy -- with the possible exception
of myself.
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quote 200
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No, I'm not here to make your life miserable. That just makes it more
fun.
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quote 201
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I like Norman Mailer. Like all good writers, he's a real fucking
jerk.
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quote 202
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It seems that for every great quote there are five others that
directly contradict it.
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quote 203
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The proper paradigm of mystery stories: Pick the character in the
story that the reader would least suspect. Then don't make him the
murderer.
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quote 204
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Science is an art of trying to know just what it is that you do not
know.
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quote 205
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I used to have an excellent memory -- until I got a girlfriend.
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quote 206
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Tolerance is nature's curse.
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quote 207
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All good mathematicians use more Greek letters than is necessary.
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quote 208
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How I cram all this stuff into my head, I'll never know.
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quote 209
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When someone gives advice to you, it's nagging; when you nag someone
else, it's giving advice.
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quote 210
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I have found a 100% correlation between eating lima beans and eventual
death!
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quote 211
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Roughly 15% of all CD cases are broken.
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quote 212
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The only difference between giving advice and meddling in other
peoples' affairs is the way your efforts are construed.
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quote 213
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Always write about what you know -- except when what you write is
science fiction.
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quote 214
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I just wish that George Bernard Shaw would have stopped mincing words
and just had spoken his mind.
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quote 215
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There's a difference, albeit small, between romanticism and utter
foolishness.
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quote 216
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Poets must find the most elegant way to say essentially nothing.
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quote 217
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The more problems there are, the more there is to love.
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quote 218
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If humanity managed to abolish war, it would soon return.
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quote 219
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We all come in different wrapping.
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quote 220
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It's my impression that problems in relationship are never simple
enough where you can ask a friend -- let alone a stranger -- and he
can solve the problem for you. If you ever have a relationship where
the problems are that simple, you should put your partner back into
the magazine from which you got her.
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quote 221
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You have to be part of the relationship to be able to help.
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quote 222
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Love is a severe case of communication.
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quote 223
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PC: the politically correct way of saying "politically correct."
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quote 224
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Recursive, adj. See recursive.
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quote 225
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Without the mention of the great men and women of the world, history
is a pretty dull tale.
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quote 226
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Home is where the hand is.
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quote 227
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There's no point in knowing a lot of stuff if you can't have any fun!
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quote 228
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That which does not kill me makes me very, very happy.
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quote 229
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Never get romantically involved with an actress.
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quote 230
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I didn't make the laws of physics; I just play by 'em.
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quote 231
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Without standards, all is chaos.
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quote 232
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The best thing I can think of to say about 1992 is that it's finally
over.
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quote 233
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The past tense of the verb to love is hated.
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quote 234
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The proper spellings of the four-letter word which means "halfway
between white and black" are gray, grey, griy, groy, gruy,
and sometimes gryy.
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quote 235
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We're all caring and yet neglectful, each in our own ways.
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quote 236
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Note: I have to get to know and really like a woman before I will
sleep with her.
Addendum: It won't take long.
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quote 237
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I'm not actively looking for a woman every minute of every day, but
I'll be damned if my eyes ain't open.
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quote 238
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Perhaps the most annoying part of growing up is having to reread all
the books that you read when you were younger, because the meaning
constantly changes.
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quote 239
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In the end, making yourself happy is the only thing that matters.
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quote 240
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Perhaps I'll look back on these days, years from now, and smile
fondly. Perhaps not.
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quote 241
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After all, the only person's happiness you're ultimately responsible
for is your own.
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quote 242
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Beware any generalized statement about one gender stated by a person
of the opposite gender.
|
quote 243
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What is the sound of one match striking?
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quote 244
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God created Man to watch over his Garden -- at least, initially. But
the question is: Why'd he make him so damn ugly?
|
quote 245
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It helps to talk, but not too much.
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quote 246
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He who laughs last is dimmest.
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quote 247
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Hey -- even drug dealers use metric.
|
quote 248
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I demand a recount!
|
quote 249
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What I see for the future is a world full of trees -- whether we're
here or not.
|
quote 250
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I don't like Christ figures in writing. They get old quickly.
|
quote 251
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The optimal outcome of a relationship: You fall madly in love, get
married, live out happy lives together, and you die first.
|
quote 252
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The Universe doesn't care what time it is, how tired you are, how
difficult this will be to fit in with your world-view, or anything
else. It does what it does for its own reasons -- that is, none to
speak of.
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quote 253
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Only trust someone when their own personal, selfish wants can be
demonstrated to coincide precisely with yours -- i.e., rarely.
|
quote 254
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If you doubt your first gut feeling, go with it anyway.
|
quote 255
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Yes, being human is just one big maintenance hassle, but we can't
afford pure energy at the moment.
|
quote 256
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A life is worthy only if it is deemed worthy by he who lived it.
|
quote 257
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Happiness is having an empty inbox.
|
quote 258
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Any sufficiently advanced technology makes good storywriting damn hard.
|
quote 259
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Status quo and I keep our distance, and we get along fine.
|
quote 260
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There is no they.
|
quote 261
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I predict that within three centuries, there will no longer be a Great
Red Spot on Jupiter.
|
quote 262
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I have two cats -- one dark-haired, one light-haired. The advantage
of this is that when one of them has caused trouble, I can tell which
is responsible by the hair left behind.
|
quote 263
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What I thought was amazing about the Challenger disaster was the
reaction of the American public. It's as if people didn't realize
that riding on the rising end of an explosion into vacuum was
dangerous.
|
quote 264
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The difference between comets and asteroids is not in genotype, but in
phenotype.
|
quote 265
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I don't know why these astronomers get all excited. After all,
they're only uncovering the secrets of the Universe.
|
quote 266
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I'm not a physicist, but I play one on Usenet.
|
quote 267
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Charity begets resentment.
|
quote 268
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Top ten delusions:
- I have no more delusions.
- Everybody likes me.
- I am a very nice person.
- I couldn't be more successful in life even if I wanted to be.
- Everybody who is right always agrees with _me._
- I am extremely intelligent and attractive to all of the opposite sex.
- I don't rationalize situations to my benefit.
- I am always right.
- I might as well give up because I have no control over my life.
- Nobody loves me.
|
quote 269
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All the cliches are true. They are also all false.
|
quote 270
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Paranoia is generally a sign of taking oneself a little too seriously.
|
quote 271
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It's awfully easy to rewrite history. It was a lot harder for people to have lived it.
|
quote 272
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Legal threats are the last refuge of the pathetic. Backing away from those legal threats is the last refuge of the defeated.
|
quote 273
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What's a few orders of magnitude between friends?
|
quote 274
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Extrapolation is rarely good for anything.
|
quote 275
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Don't explain the how, it's the what that counts.
|
quote 276
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The difference between a coward and a pacifist is that the coward is honest with himself about his problem.
|
quote 277
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Intelligence is both a combination of having knowledge and the ability to use that knowledge. Those with only the former become trivia experts. Those with only the latter join Mensa.
|
quote 278
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Never debug while standing up.
|
quote 279
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Just say no to incoherent unit systems.
|
quote 280
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Navigation.
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Erik Max Francis
-- TOP
Welcome to my homepage.
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Writing
-- UP
Various things I've written.
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Quick links.
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Contents of Erik Max Francis' homepages
-- CONTENTS
Everything in my homepages.
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Feedback
-- FEEDBACK
How to send feedback on these pages to the author.
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About Erik Max Francis
-- PERSONAL
Information about me.
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Copyright
-- COPYRIGHT
Copyright information regarding these pages.
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Copyright © 1989-2024 Erik Max Francis. All rights reserved.
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